juz letting out some thoughts...

the pain no longer lingers for long... as its a known fact, at least to myself, that those i love always ended up attached with someone else or they went already attached... i've always end up seeing the gals i like getting attached as time passes... one thing is i acted slow... another thing is my act doesn't produce results... hence i no longer harbour any hopes nor much to even start with, but once a fren will always be a fren...

i dare contradict to some who may think that having a god-sister, gan mei mei is because u can't have her as gf or u wanna get closer to her by this 'route'... no...! it is not true, at least for mi tat is... i always respect a gal's decision... even though i may still express likings, i will not force to make things happen... juz go with the flow... go with ur feelings... go with ur instinct... do what is right, unless ur mind doesn't start off right in the 1st place...

i'm a person who holds my own principles strongly... things i say i will nvr do/attempt u will nvr even see mi going close to doing it...

eg. smoke and dying hair...smoking is harmful to health, while being an asian, i believe is keeping a dark black hair also...



maybe all these things make mi more of a traditional person... or conservative if u put it in another way... i agree to partly... i believe i'm always held up within myself most of the time... thinking and acting is two different things and its really a struggle at times... what is right and wat is wrong depends on ur own opinion...



as much as i wished that i could change the way i live for the past 10 yrs or so, i'm still happy with the person i'm today... i can do more, achieve more, be more of myself... but can i do it in the yrs to come...?

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however...loneliness have creep in... slowly yet unknowingly... i know some maybe start to think that: 'oh... jeff is going to start again abt no love, so desperate ah!...'

but no... this is not abt it... i feel that i'm alone even with frens ard mi... i dunno why... its... juz a feeling... we still chat, talk cock and laugh together... but i still feel some distance in between... maybe its becoz they are in a different league as mi... they experience more than mi... they live life more than mi... sometimes... if not most of it... i can't seems to get into the same topic of their chat... merely just nodding and agreeing and laughing it off... well... i dun wish to further elaborate... wat i'm trying to say is that although i'm out with my frens... u can still see that the topic will always be focus among themselves... well... i dun thrive in the limelight... but i dun wish to be in the backgrd like some invisible person tat can onli be seen when light is shone... i for somethings... someones... somebodies...(notice the plural)...

hmm... why can't i blog all happy stuffs? why always these gloomy posts... hey... i dun wan to but this is a blog... my blog... a blog for my heart and soul to be poured out... whether u like it or not it will be there... u may comment but i can also delete it off if its too unpleasent... rate/judge mi not by what i type or blog... but by me as a friend u have know for the limited time...

i've decided to change the blog address when i ORD... those who asked shall be answered... but right now i still dunno wat to change to... hehe... but the time u read this... i'm juz 24mins away from the ending of HP and the DH audiobook... which i shall finish juz before i slp... not feeling all that well now... may be seeing doc...