*this post was edited on 21st oct
usually after deciding on what i'm preparing to write, it will take another while before i start putting my thoughts to words... by then.. my thoughts are scrambled 70% and i have to do some recollections... make one such post a few hours of time...
This is going to be a post where i'll settle on one topic once and for all... i shall not post any related topics again and i'll see to tat promise... as the topic of this post suggest... this is one issue in my life that's yet to be solved... and its quite a sensitive one... its abt love...(some will start to shift the move to the close browser button, or switching to another blog/websites... hey... i dun blame u and i do encourage u to do so if u dun wanna be bore to death by it...)
i've to admit that i'm shy when it comes to things like this and i have no answers to it... its very easy for u to say change it but... its not... at least for mi...
all my life(since i've come to sense) i'm just trying to find that special someone that i can talk with... maybe listen to mi singing love songs or singing duet together... cook for her... watch a movie together... enjoy nice long walks in the night... maybe join her on a shopping trips, walking ard(well the most important thing is being happy and staying so... its common that there maybe ups and downs thru-out but that's life and i'm willing to go through it...
well i have to clarify that i'm not trying to be in love or fall in love of the sake of experiencing the above... such things are for life... i dunno how good a person i am or how am i as a person to you friends... all i can say is i'm true to my frens... i can be very generous to my frens especially those that mean alot to mi... i can be there for u but not asking the same from u... i love all my frens as they meant alot to mi other than my parents... i can say that if anything happens to either, i'll be in a total lost as i'm such a emotional person within... (a fine example would be tat time when i forget to bring my themometer to sch in jc, my mum was called in for a talk with the principle... my mum end up tearing coming out, with threats of dispelling mi from sch initially, and i naturally cry with my mum swearing that such sch are better not be in if they make my mum tear... i came back to class still watery in the eyes, but i guessed u guys nvr remember it ba... actually no one knows abt this incident ba) ok.. tat was a bit side tracked.... but the point is i treasured but my parents and my frens... anything that happened to my frens i do feel for them...
maybe i'm not wu zhun or liang chao wei or any where near as handsome ba... the only part that i get to play is to fall in love with someone, but that person maybe liking someone else...(sound like those dramas, huh? lolz) gals i like is either through first sight or constant contacts in class... well... the most important thing is the feel(感觉, its like 孙燕姿sings 感觉对了我要出发)... if not for this 感觉, there won't be anything to start with also... dun ask mi why i like this gal or tat gal... i will only tell you its my 感觉, or from my 1st look at her, it sets my destiny... then the subsequent contacts justify my feelings... but all this count for nothing as its juz my own feeling... a relationship is still both sided... any side no willing the other can't do nothing also... and i like to mention that if u dun like mi at least tell mi, or give some clue... ignoring and and saying anything doesn't help at all, if that's ur way of avoiding... at least the pain is not nvr ending...
想太多... i admit i like to think alot... coz when u are alone and u got no one to talk to... who else but yourself can u talk to? haha... dun worry... i haven reach the stage of insane or split personality... thinking let mi analyst things... but i dunno why i'm always ending up getting up... maybe i do things a little too much... a little to rush... biao cuo qing, hui cuo yi...? i think a person like mi not having a gf maybe all destined...
hence i've came up with this phrase, "i've learnt not to expect too much from the nothing that's started with... the more i try, the more i'll feel hurt..." the more i wanna expect it to happen... the more i doesn't... maybe those whom have read till here maybe scared off by mi already... haha... but i still got to say it all out... coz i'll nt make another post like it....
all these while i've been keeping only myself known of who i've like... only occasionally does some close frens get to know or saw thru from some little acts of mine... but everytime i wanna get closer to the person... i always mess things up... one is they dun like mi or treat mi nothing more than a fren... another maybe a approach things wrongly... also maybe they have other ideal partners in their mind that's better than mi in all aspects...
but what i can provide... i dun think i'm romantic... i'm also not very good with my words... my tongue is not honey coated lor... hehe... all i can give is my truthful heart... comparison doesn't help but worsen things, so dun compare mi with other guys... we are different in our own ways and so are every gals...
i'm currently lacking motivation and a target in life... hopefully i pick things up and carry on for the better... less of tinkering, wondering, assuming... more on putting it to work, to practise, to use... may all my frens find their love ones and be truely in love with each other...
tat's all... and good bye... thanks for everything... those who hear mi out in the past and those who are always in the loop of things... hehe...(i'll not care wat demoralising things any of u may write in my tag board or msn to mi) for all i care, i wanna stay happy and smiling from now on... and going out with frens will be tat remedy i seek?
oh ya... did i mentioned that it has been 3yrs since i started blogging...? haha... quite cool... hopefully i can bring more happening post in the future...
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